How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize