my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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