I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My hand turned me down
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
