Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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