I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
