Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
