Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
