Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Randomize
