She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
