very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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