wakey wakey hands off snakey
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
