I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
