I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
