I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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