I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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