fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
