i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
