I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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