Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
