So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Someone signed my nipple.
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