Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
