What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
