You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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