i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize