Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
