woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
