Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
