Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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