ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
