Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
