Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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