Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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