I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
