the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
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