Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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