i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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