The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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