I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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