He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
