Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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