new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
