I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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