my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
