she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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