So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
