his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
