very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize