So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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