Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
