wrigley field is MILF paradise
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
