Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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