____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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