I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
