So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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