I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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