I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
