Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
...so i touched it.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
