DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
