Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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