but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
