No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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