Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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