I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
