Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My breasts were aching with rage.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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