i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
