apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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