Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
