There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we have pet lesbian snakes
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
