8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Randomize
