maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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