I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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