my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
