ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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