what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
